haha being called a bitch at school just makes me smile dont you know how much i wanted to deck that person in the face she hasnt seen me be a bitch you think thats me being a bitch your wrong ugh. HOW I HATE STUPID PEOPLE!!

this one really has no title

im so tierd of trying to please everyone around me or trying to be a good friend and then i just get stepped all over like a freaking door mat! you have no clue how long i have been telling myself that its not true that you wouldnt do that to a friend but now i truly believe that you would. Your actions have shown me the truth. This is hurting me by even writing this blog but i had to get it out sometime didnt i? They way that i was there for you the way that i did things for you, i wasted my tears on you and i wasted my emotions on you. Like one of my favorite quotes say "Behind my smile is something you will never understan". so i guess i am saying is that im done being your doormat!

Ugh.................

Well where do i start?
Hmm lets see i have been thinking lately and i have told you my problems and you just sit there and just look at me like im stupid. I try talking to you at least twice a day and you just blow me off what the fuck kind of friend is that?  Oh i know the one who isnt a true friend...You always tell me that your there for me but NEWSFLASH your not. But i dont show my emotions hardly anymore because people already think that im a cry baby or what not. But i have wanted to yell at you so much or just tell you how i really feel, but i dont. And thats bad at my part because then you would never find out what is going on or why im down. But now you know, all those times i was there for you, and when i needed you where were you. Oh yea you were no where to be seen. So i got something to say dont fucking pretend to be a caringg friend just because you feel the need to be because that makes you a lying fake Bitch, and frankly im done with you!!
Ugh thats one thing i wanted to get off my chest there are so many other things i want to get off my chest but i also dont want to sound like a freaking annoying Bitch.
So here a few things that im kinda happy for i guess you could say that or that has made me smile lately.
Well pretty much just chillen with my friends and having me niece and nephew run up to me and give me hugs.
Sorry about my language!

hmmmm...these are the kind of things you have to look at from a distance

I have been thinking alot, and im stating to think alot more. I mean i know people tell me not to believe rumors but its hard to believe them when they could be right...do you know what i mean. I dont know maybe its just me, but why would he do that to me he says that he is my friend, and he says that he likes to hang out with me, but the thing is that we dont hang out that much except for school. i dont know what to believe anymore i dont want to believe that, i also dont want to loose him =( ugh life.

Im so tierd of living like this.
staying up at night listening to the yelling,
the complaining on how we dont do things right
I dont think i can live like this anymore
I cant hold on anymore
its gotten soo bad at home that i only talk to my mom and thats it
Me and her have been so much
I threatend to move out last night
I got to do whas best but i will not ever leave my mom with that monster
He has become the monster i have always feared or should i say what we have feared
But the thing is that people dont see it because he puts on the nice guy act when other people around
Oh how i wish they could see the real him
Ugh im just done with living like this......

lets see..

Lets see if he sticks to the plans? I hope he does haha, it would be nice to hang out again
I hope and pray to god that it doesnt fall through.

feeling alone

The most difficult part about my life is feeling alone on some parts it. I think to myself am i the only one that is going through this. Sometimes i feel alright, but then others i feel like everyday i just fade away a little bit more, i mean I MISS YOU alot. Why did you have to leave my life, i thought you cared about me or at least thats what you said. Your my brother, i thought you would always be there. But you chose her over you own family how could ypou put us through that pain? All the hurt that you put us throught. And you have the fucking balls to tell mom that we have never been there for you and that all we do is make your life hell. Or thats what you wife told mom, because you know we cant talk to you because you stupid Skank of a wife doesnt want us to. But you know what i have something to say to that Fucking Hoe, you messed with the wrong family but even though he doesnt see how much of a Bitch you are he will soon. And that you only want the money that he is making. YOU STUPID ASS FUCKING SKANK i hate you for ruining our family if it wasnt for you he would still talk to my family....ugh why did you have to tear my family apart god i hate you soo much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hmm the interesting talk...

Well last night for some reason i felt the need to actually sit down and talk to him, and ask him why he decided to be my friend, like i told him why me you could of just blew me off and notr even talk to me. He said because im a nice person and that he is friends with everyone, and i couldnt help but smile, and then i told him that im not perfect like all of his other friends and he was like soo, just be who you are and i was like ok, then he had to go so we hugged and then he told me to text him, i did. I told him that i was kinda afraid to talk to him about it. He sais that i shouldnt be afraid to talk to him, but the thing that he doesnt know was that i was afraid to loose him as a friend. But now i know that i wont =). So glad that God was right there to help me through. then we hung out for a little... =)
Like i said im glad i could talk to him.

oh Sash

Sash thanks for the blog i know it was suppose to make me feel better, and it did only for a little though. But i appreciate you for trying to make me feel better.. Your a great friend and i love you for that! Thanks!