Graduation.

Oh my gosh graduation is in a couple of weeks and to tell you the truth im so nervous. I still feel like i just started high school, i mean i know that sounfs really funny but i do. I still remeber sitting in my living room deciding what i wanted to be when i grew up, like when i was little, and my usual answer was i want to grow up and be a Princess, and then as the time went on my mind changed and i wanted to be a teacher. You know i didnt really know what i wanted to be. But now is the time that i have to really figure out what i am going to do with my life. When someone brings up college, i say yeah i am going and then they are like what are you going to do and stuff. My mind is turning into mush, because so many things to think of....So yeah that is how i feel. All i can say now is Can I Scream now!

I Love thee and a lot more

Okay, confession I know i haven't blogged in a while. And i'm sorry for that but anyways...

Lately i have been thinking, Like its my senior year so have been thinking of what i'm grateful for well lets see. If i didn't make the choice of moving last year i wouldn't have the incredible friends that i have had the opportunity to get to know them and make memories! I'm so thankful for that! Also i met Trevor who i built a great friendship with, and now we are dating! We have been dating for 8 months now. Well anyways back to my friends here in a little i'm going to list some ones that i just cant forget. But on the other note I cant believe that i am graduating in 3 1/2 months. I'm just in awh, for the simple fact is that i made it! The only thing that i wish is that my grandparents were here but they are in a better place. Anyways to start off my list...

1. Darby: Well what can i say about you, well we have our fun times I remember when we used to walk around town and just be us.I do miss that and i hope that our friendship stays through out graduation <3 you!

2. Cali Storm: Me and you didnt really hang out till this summer but i got to tell you it was one of the best summers of my life. The laughs that we had and all the memories.

3. Danny: You lived with us for about 3 or 4 months and oh my gosh there was some good laughs, and some  scary moments like when we watched insidious and you jumped, but anyways it was nice getting to know you. Your like a big brother to me now!

4. Trevor: Hmm..what to say , well to start off i didn't really know you until this summer well what i mean by that is that i didn't really talk to you until this summer. I had always thought that you were a great guy but i never thought that i had a shot until you showed up at my doorstep and now look at us I LOVE YOU!
5. Kenzie: I remember that time we went to Scary Acres with Wyatt and G however you spell his name Lol. Also i have become closer to you ever since last year and now we are  closer friends than ever!

6. Wyatt: Well what to say you are one of my best friends, you were one of the people that talked to me first and we became friends! You introduced me to other people. I really dont know that to say but anyways thanks!

Well thats a few i have to many to write so if i forgot you im sorry.

<3

the other night..........had a happing ending =)

well where can i start the other night was kind of sorta amazing!
My friends came over and met my brother and we played rock band but that one person came over. I havent seem them in a while and it was nice to hang out with you again =).
You get along with my family and you just i dont know how to explain it you giys "click".
We had fun playing rockband the way that you were saying that it was on the hardest level on the guitar and it was only on medium. That made everyone laugh..oh boy the way your face light up haha. Then you had to go, but then you said you would be back tommorrow and then we started textin after i got your number again. You started the convo by say "hey whats up"? i replied "nm", then you were like "cool...you got a bf". Right then and there i was like wondering what was going through your head. I replied "haha nope i dont y"? Then they sent me this "jw..i kinda...like you ;)" that made me smile so much.
Haha and yea i texted back "=) really cuz...i kinda like you too. then we started talking about what would happend if he asked me out and i said i would probably say yea. then he texted me this " I dont just want you to say yea to make me happy i want you to say yea because you truly want to." My jaw droped right there i thought i was dreaming but i wasnt. i replied "yea i know what you mean haha but i would say yea because i want to". Then i got a message that said."WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?" and of course i said yea!
Haha yea i know happing ending right lol he came back to my house last night and spent time with me and my family =)

going under water..

Right at this moment of this day i feel like just going under water all the way to the bottom and not coming up. Thats how i feel, i dont get it why do people have to lie? Like they like to lie to your face its really irratating. Like when you have to find out the truth by one of your closest friends. Its like wow why didnt they tell you in the first place. Trust me when i say this if you had just told me the truth when i "asked" you i would just said ok and not even be mad or anything.
But no you had to "lie",ugh that is why im so angry and HURT. Ugh..and no im not mad at the other person why would i be? But anyways i dont even know why im writing this i know people dont care......and then people wonder why i dont talk well now you know....i alreadt feel like im drownding!! I wanna try and come up for air but more stuff keeps happening and i keep sinking more and more....

I cant believe it!

So the other night i was talking on the phone with one of my close friends from colorado and she had been talking about how it will be a year on wensday since her and her boyfriend got together. That made me thaink then i finally realized that it has been 8 months since i moved =(. Thinking about that kind of made me sad, but then i was ok because ever since i moved here i felt like a  weight was lifted off my shoulders. Yeah there are some days here when i wish that i still lived in colorado. But i think that i have really good friends down here that seem to really care about me , they dont look at me and say that im fat or that i need to loose weight. Thats what most of my friends did back in colorado. When they would do that i would just shut everything out and get really down on myself.............

favorite song

MY NEW FAVORITE SONG
"THOUSAND YEARS"
by christina perri!

IM DONE!

Im so Done with everything now im in tears right now i just cant hide it anymore i guess i cant deal with it anymore. I come to school with a happy face on but no one really knows how i feel im so sick on dealing with people who keep stepping on me like im a freaking door mat. I ask them why they are my friends and then say that im awsome and that they love me and of course i believe  them. And NO its none of you on here. I just want to go to a place where i dont have to be afraid to be who i am. Im so tierd of being called annoying and idk i just want to go some where i feel like i belong. I dont want to loose the people i care about yes im nice. I know you say i shouldnt do the things that i do but its hard. I wonder what would some people do if i wasnt nice, what would they do if i completly stop talking at all. Im just going to stop talking to anyone except for my parents and my family. I wonder if that will make everything different then i wouldnt be so annoying!!!! All i can say is that im sorry for being so annoyingi hope that you can forgive me and now i wont be so annoying anymore.......i will just be that girl in the back of the room ALONE!